It popped out to me.
p4ge, Oct 18 2008
AND I was chatting with the old man for what seemed like hours, listening to him like we were a couple of homeless guys on the street, hovering over the industrial keg with no where to go, and then he started saying something that caught my attention,
"What I mean is, typically rules constrain the individual because of the social connotations that they hold on a person, it is rude to act this way, or poisonous to act another. In the case of poker--whether it be a hobby lifestyle or even dream--and like many potentially addictive games thus, it carries with it, at least as far as the contemporary social world is concerned, the "degenerate" connotations, and images of yellow skinned smokers huddled over an oval table in dim light, all addicted and broke. The rule being broken in this case is that invisible criteria that is filtering our social worlds which fits us into categories that people judge us with, with which we also judge ourselves with. There are of course a muddle of causality issues that go with this as well: whether or not our own judgments on ourselves--leading in some cases to depression, confidence and or self image issues--are influenced by the social world itself, regardless of that however, and to the point: there an increasing desire to be insane, which brings with it it's own rules and boundaries, a lift from these social contraptions,"
"Insane?" I interrupted.
"It is in fact the only real means to breaking free from the chain, though there are those among us who are naturally living in their own box, their sense of self is not affected by the external but is an internal process which lets them to move forward in a situation regardless of any bearings: these are those individuals with a particular gravitos about them, a sense that they will still be scaling up the mountain face to completion whether they reach the top, or fall off the face to hit the bottom, long after you leave their presence." at this point in the conversation the man who had been hiding in the shadows behind the old man, suddenly popped out to me, I don't know how long we was there but all of a sudden he became clear and with a single stride forward as elegant as a swan, stood behind the old man, at which point the old man without a groan--and even now as I recall can't remember hearing so much as the friction of fabric--collapsed to the ground, and the assailant vanished into the darkness as quickly as he had come.
Poker Pitstop
p4ge, Sep 29 2008
I haven't played poker in about a week, because I've finally realized that I need to take care of things in my life first, since it is distracting my optimal poker playing. What I've decided to do is first get rid of the sleep debt that i've accumulated brought about by my poor sleeping habits, and insomnia. I also want to fully catch up with my school work without any procrasination, and to exercise daily. It sounds simple enough but its something that if I handle I know I'll be so satisfied. I've also noticed that when I'm on top of other areas of my life while playing poker, I am generally more focused, and really enjoy it.
-Exercise daily to increase my general well being and energy, which helps me with my other goals
-Take care of homework and studies as soon as I can, no delaying.
-Start sleeping earlier, and get rid of all my sleep debt.
=Play poker in a better frame of mind
Also recently I purchased two books online called Flow, and Creativity by the same author. I am really excited to read them. If you know anything about Flow you'll understand why.
So what I'm pretty much looking for is to balance my life a bit more, and stop being so foolhardy with thinking I can just mass poker. Maybe one day I'll be able to, but I need to learn how to manage myself better and build my discipline before I can do it effectively (like some of you sickos can).
lol discipline
p4ge, Sep 24 2008
Lol I busted my freeroll on cake poker. Got it up to 140 at 20nl but then I monkey spewed it all playing 50nl. I think part of the reason I was so impatient and ran the typical tilt trip, was cause holdem manager doesn't support cake hand histories, and I didn't want to look through that ugly interface that cake has to review my hands on there, so I thought win fast, or fail miserably. But the real reason was cause some guy kept outplaying me and I was angry that I was getting owned, maybe he was running well? That doesn't matter though, because the point is it got to me.
Here is the typical pattern that happens to me when I play: I win at a steady rate that I'm very pleased with, then a few things happen, and I ask the poker gods why I need to run bad like everyone else every so often too? And THEN I blow gold all over the place. Anyways, hello Stars, miss me?
P4GE, OUT
P.S Here's a snap shot I took of myself the other day.
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